By equalizing the weather throughout the country, the government can give all individuals an identical physical environment to live and work in, therefore eliminating unfair advantages some people might receive by living in a climate which is more favorable to their development than others. If an Inuit in Alaska wishes to grow peaches or a Hawaiian seeks to open a sweater-selling shop in mid-July, they should be permitted to do so without experiencing discomforts or handicaps. The weather should not be allowed to discriminate against people based on characteristics such as geographical location and lack of foresight. If the weather persists in denying equal opportunity to all Americans, it shall, again, be fined.

          Some might object to this proposal, contending that the government cannot violate natural laws, namely, the laws of physics and chemistry that determine weather patterns. Yet this objection is without merit, for past precedent has amply demonstrated that the government can and does attempt to violate natural laws: the laws of economics, the laws of ethics, the laws of logic, the law of cause and effect, and the supreme law of the land, the U.S. Constitution. Adding the laws of physics and chemistry to that list is fully in accord with the unlimited right of politicians to redefine the elements of external reality to suit their own ends.

          In our noble efforts as a society to afford legally enforced equality to everything, we shall finally be rid of the ghastly climate inequality which plagues our country. Gone will be the days of climate-based oppression, where one class of individuals unfairly exploits advantageous weather opportunities at the expense of everybody else. Let us march on to a brighter tomorrow, under the auspices of benevolent leaders who will finally enable the weather to conform to the principles of social justice.