Needless to say my friend doesn't think I've got a snowball's chance in
hell but what the hey; I figure nothing tried nothing gained,
right?
Now I'm not entirely sure who to write to ask for such a thing (a subsidy
that is) as the last time I looked there was no Ministry for
Freedom and Capitalism (can you imagine if there was?) so I've decided
that I should write directly to the head honcho himself, Jean Chretien.
I just hope I spelled his name correctly.
So here it is... my open letter to Jean Chretien:
Dear
Mr. Chretien,
My
name is Scott Carpenter and I live in the remote northern community of
Dawson Creek, BC. As you may or may not know by the rather lengthy CSIS
and CCRA files on my name, I am an advocate of Freedom and Liberty and
am currently publishing a modest journal on the internet called Liberty
Free Press. Our mandate is to spread the concepts of freedom, individualism
and capitalism to as many people as we possibly can not just in Canada
but to all the previously free nations of the world.
As
you may have already guessed, the life of a freedom fighter is not to terribly
lucrative and as a result I am forced to work outside of this occupation
in order to make ends meet... which brings me to the reason I am writing
you.
It
is my opinion that the country formerly known as Canada (and now commonly
referred to as the Kollective Komradship of Kanada or Kanukistan) has been
teetering for many years, on a very slippery slope that leads to despotism.
I'm sure that I don't need to outline for you all the warning signs surrounding
this statement; God knows there have been many. I'm also sure that you
will agree that despotism is not a desirable state for any nation to enter
into and as such it is imperative that we act quickly and deliberately
to avoid such a problem.
« Mr. Chretien, you would be hailed as a national hero! People
would shout your name from the rooftops and throw confetti wherever you
went. »
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I
believe that the situation at hand may be avoided if you were to divert
some of the massive amount of money that Canadians pay in taxes each year
into a subsidy for writers and activists for freedom. Just think of the
effect we could have on the current course of this nation if we had this
kind of funding available to us! Mr. Chretien, you would be hailed as a
national hero! People would shout your name from the rooftops and throw
confetti wherever you went.
More
to the point, I could quit all the other jobs I currently work at and dive
into my true calling full time. You would release myself and many others
like me from the bonds of responsibility and allow us to crush tyranny
with the help of the taxpayer's dollar. Besides, I suspect few people would
object to myself and others using their tax money to help abolish income
taxes, bring back common law and create a freer and better quality of life
for the average citizen.
Now
Mr. Chretien, I don't expect you to get really excited about this request
straight off. In fact before you send me an answer I'd like to suggest
that you sleep on it overnight. Talk with your cronies about the idea and
see what they think. If they decide that they don't want to support the
cause of freedom in a supposedly democratic nation then I'd suggest a quick
cabinet shuffle as you obviously don't want potential dictators working
this close to you. On the other hand if they support the idea then maybe
we're not in as bad a shape as I thought we were, in which case I will
cease to refer to the nation formerly known as Canada as Kanukistan.
I eagerly
await you reply.
Best
Regards,
Scott
Carpenter, BA
Editor,
Liberty Free Press
Citizen
and Free Man of Commoner Status
Note:
I am still awaiting a reply.
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